There is a lot of debate on the causes and effects of social media on our psyches. There are so many differing opinions and statistics, that it is hard to point fingers at who’s right and who’s wrong; therefore we must consider all sides of reasoning.
To Humphrey, “performing identities” is perfectly fine, and in fact, ideal. These rituals that we go through to perform how we feel represents us is essential to building our personalities and social presence. But what if this performance is “fake”? What if the performance is just that-- a performance; an act?
With others performing perfect lives and presenting an aesthetic feed constantly, no wonder we feel inadequate or like we must “fake” our identities online. Yet as before, things need to be recognized not as absolutes, but as options. The pressure to perform a identity that is not “you” in real life is still an identity. You’ve built your personality and aesthetic on the photos you share; even if they don’t match “the real you”. We can build, choose, and perform our own identities; so really the line of “real” and “fake” is blurry.
For example, could catfishing simply be a performance of identity? Maybe in person, you’re a fat middle aged man, but online you could be a attractive young woman with a flirty personality. Catfishing is mostly looked down upon (and for good reason), but it really roots from (other than those who do it for revenge) insecurity and a sense of wanting to be somebody else, a better you, if not you at all.
We see people who catfish as liars, insecure, and low. However, we must consider the stories of many of those who do the catfishing.
In the episode of Catfish this is from (Season 2, Episode 9); the man catfishing the other man as a woman, quoted cheating as the reason he was catfishing. He appeared to be unstable, actually; but he thought he was doing something noble by pretending to be attractive women, and then alerting the men’s partners that he cheated. This has been done countless other times by other people who hate cheaters (typically someone who’s been cheated on), so many people have built three identities that coexist. The “Real” them, the “Hero” they think they are by “rescuing” (debatable) relationships, and the fake, online version of them.
While of course with the latter, you have to use a fake name and photos to successfully fool people into thinking you’re a very attractive member of the opposite sex, you still have to build the identity behind that; and it’s hard work! I imagine it would be difficult for a older man to get into the headspace of a young woman and pull it off; when their “true” identity is nothing like that. Having no experience being one thing, and then throwing yourself into a role, is impressive in itself; even if manipulative.
Another example, from my personal life (trans friends) and online; is a very dangerous form of “catfishing”, that could risk the catfishers life. Trans men and women sometimes do not put on their public dating profiles that they are trans, or mention it when they’re chatting. As trans people are typically the victims of fetisization, bullying, harassment, and hate crimes; it is something that is difficult to put on a public platform where you could be attacked just for being you.
The man in the article killed his trans girlfriend because of other people’s transphobia, for an example of how dangerous it is to be trans. She couldn’t even trust who she loved.
With that being said, are men pretending to be women, and trans men and women pretending to be cis men and women performing identity work? Does this “count” towards building an online identity-- or are things “too far” from real life considered insulting?
I’m sure if you ask those who were catfished, yes; it’s too far. But those who do it or have done it probably don’t feel the same way; because they were simply filling a role that needed to be played.
Their online identity is apart of them, as for many people. Overweight people taking “deceptive” selfies, “partiers” who aren’t really partiers, travelers who have a terrible time when they travel, gay people who pretend to be straight, or or gay people who are allowed to be gay online; the list of identities could go on forever.
When does performing identity work and building an aesthetic become harmful? And is it truly possible to find that “perfect” balance where we can build our identity without negative impacts on our psyches?
Negative impacts such as feeling ugly or insecure in person because you can’t photoshop real life, or conflicting feelings when you can’t come to your homophobic family and you feel you’re “sneaking” around.
When we don’t consider the identity we build online as parts of ourselves, we’re only creating greater and greater dissonance and hurting ourselves. We need to accept ourselves-- and others-- as not liars (okay, maybe not catfish guy), but as people who are fluid and ever changing. We can lower the negative impact of social media on our psyche if we accept social media as a platform where people perform multiple identities that aren't "fake", but extensions of themselves presented differently than in person.
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