Take a look at this,
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| Matthew DeLeon |
Google Photos has a function where if you select a bunch of photos, it will tell you how many you have selected. Would you like me to zoom in on the number of photos selected?
Yes you would.
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| Matthew DeLeon |
Realistically, I didn't take 1,496 photos, as much as I would have loved to have done so. If I were to account for the doubling up of a few photos (where Google saves the same photo twice, because I edited a photo and it saves both the original and the edit) then I reckon I just 'bout done only took 1,400 photographs o'er a stretch of 9 days. *spits into a bucket from 30 yards*
I'm talking about the urge to post vs not post.
When to Post (not really)
I've never really been much of an avid poster on social media. I've had an Instagram account for 5 years now, and I've only made 27 posts. That's 5.4 posts a year, which in my opinion is just enough to warrant keeping your account around, and that's exactly what I want.
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| Elle Rogers |
Part of my hesitance to post comes from my general uneasiness about what parts of my life are even interesting enough to share with other people. I'm still forming my identity, so I would rather not do something now that I will regret in 9 years. For example (→).
Plus, if you've already established the pattern of not posting regularly, then everything you do post suddenly has so much more weight attached to it!
But if posting is such a big hassle, why wouldn't I just delete my account?
Deleting your account is a big step and one that everyone will judge you for because you are effectively telling other people, "I'm not interested in giving you any information about myself" which is offensive to them because they obviously deserve to know everything there is to know about you. But more than that, because most social media work is a two-way street of sharing and receiving content, you are also telling other people, "Based on what I know about you, nothing you have ever, or would ever share with me on social media is worth my time." And that is genuinely a rude thing to say. How dare you.
So in the effort to keep the peace, I have a social media presence, but a very limited one.
I'm not proud of it, but that's the way it's always been for me. AND AS WE ALL KNOW, deviating from your chosen path is an uncomfortable experience, so it's best to just not think about it. So in a very real way, I'm still that little boy who liked to pose in front of a camera, because I'm still following that pattern of posting!
And that's really how it's gotten this bad; I just didn't think about changing.
(Don't worry, I'm gonna [try] to change my behavior)
What to Post (not really)
Generally, I have two contradictory desires I try to fulfill whenever I post:
I want other people to be happy to see what I've posted,
And I want me to be happy to have posted.
These two cannot co-exist. Let me give you an example. Due to my low rate of posting, my number of likes are kinda all-over the place. Below are two posts of mine, one that is my favorite (left) and one that is my followers' favorite (right) according to my own taste and the number of likes.
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| Matthew DeLeon |
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| Matthew DeLeon |
This left one (← that way) was simply a funny situation. My family has a pool that we only use about 5.4 times a year because we're terrible people, and we don't drink Mountain Dew® (because obviously).
What kind of cosmic coincidence led to that event occurring, is beyond me, but hey, it led to a cool photo.
Meanwhile that right one (→) was a post I was literally told to make, by a professor, who wanted me to promote the theatre production of which I held a minor part.
Not that I resent being told to do this; it was honestly relieving to be told to post this sort of thing, as you might have guessed given my anxiety at posting in general. In fact, if someone could tell me what and when to post, that would absolutely be the best thing I could imagine. Also, I had fun dressing up! But for the love of all that is holy, do not notice my pre-teen facial hair. Hehe, now that I've said it, you can't judge me for it. Not today, haters!
But regardless, I had to work to make the post on the right function in accordance to my own sense of humor, and you can tell that I put a lot of thought into it. There is nothing I am more ashamed of today than including #braidlife in the caption. I remember taking that very same photo about 6 times because I could never get it right.
But the Mountain Dew® post was just something I felt on a spiritual level. I didn't have to make funny, because it already was. And that's what I really like to post: things that stand on their own merit.
In her book, The Qualified Self, Lee Humphreys argues that we oftentimes use social media in effort to remember our own experiences, instead of using the mental power to actually be present in the moment. She calls this process, "remembrancing."
But I think that this process has more to do with how we use our smartphone cameras in general and not with how we use social media.
The way how I approach my photo-taking and how I engage with others on social media could not be further apart. I take a lot of photos, but hardly any of them ever see the light of day. I do this to exercise my own creative eye (because I just like photography and lighting and all of that), but what I don't like is annoying other people and myself by sharing my photos.
Well, for now at least.
Why to Post (really)
My plan has always been to take a photo and keep it until it can become useful for me in the future. I know, very selfish and narcissistic, but let me elaborate.
Most of the time, I will in fact share my photos, not with these pseudo-acquaintances I have online, but with people that I actually spend time with (like my family or actual friends, with whom I have actual conversations). If and when my vacation comes up (cause you know I'll work it into the convo at every opportunity), I can whip out all 1,496 photos in a flash, and watch as their opinion of me plummets in the blink of an eye!
I don't do this because I am secretly an elderly man possessing the body of what was once Matthew DeLeon®, who constantly hollers and harrumphs about how "The Facebook these days are ruining friendship and conversation and family and God!"
I do this because I'm just generally anxious about posting, because I overthink it for a day, and then get exhausted and then don't post for the rest of the year.
I still remembrance stuff, to use Humphreys' term, but I do so from within the comfort of my own private gallery.
Perhaps the solution is to stop and take a moment to think about how social media can't really hurt me (although it absolutely can, but I'm pretty sure I won't make any racist comments anytime soon, so I think I'll be fine). And maybe, just maybe, I can post because I... want to? And maybe I don't want to be a weird social media creep who just spies on other people? Because I want to pay it forward, and even, dare I say, share my opinions?
Nope, too far. Maybe in five years.
Until then, nothing but jokes.
So in praise of my newfound lifestyle, here is my absolute best photo from my vacation.
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| Matthew DeLeon |
DON'T YOU JUST WANNA GO IN THERE??? I HAD TO GO ALL THE WAY TO EUROPE JUST TO SEE THIS DOOOOOR
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