Accepting Online Memorials

Maryon Oliveria

When we imagine death, there is a specific image that comes to mind. The dreary funeral, sending out a condolences card (which is now probably a text or a phone call), and an extremely long Facebook, Instagram or Twitter memorial. Is it weird to think that social media is one of the many things that comes to mind when we think of the dead? We have all seen at least one post or comment dealing with the deceased and they come in different forms. Some people write paragraphs on their Facebook, remembering and sharing the favorable memories they had of that person, some people continue to post for their loved one as if they were still around, and some families decide to delete the accounts all together. 

It is not uncommon to see these sentimental posts on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter but there has to be a reason that people decide to post. Is it about informing others? I’ve seen and heard of people updating the public during the process, this blog Andy Carvin with NPR, does a very good job of explaining Scott Simon’s last moments with his mother. Many people see posts like this and wonder why in the world he would spend his time posting about such a difficult process online instead of spending it with the woman who raised him. I have to admit I was one of those people. The more I thought about it the more it made sense. Being a bigger name to the public, it may have been easier to reach everyone through his social platforms. This in the long run allows him to have more time with his mom instead of having to spend precious moments  reaching out to family and friends during such a difficult time. Not only that but in a way it softens the blow. Instead of being bombarded with questions and posts, explaining the situation, as well as mentally preparing by expressing feelings online, people are more likely to give him the space he needs during the grieving process.After her passing, he still posted about his mother and how he was handling the situation.

SergeyZolkin

While that may be a good example of how people handle loved ones on their deathbed and their process, it is much more popular to see posts of the already deceased. Growing up at a large high school, there was bound to be a death or two within the four years of being there (lets face it, with a graduating class of over 600, it's pretty predictable). I remember the first time I saw a memorial on twitter. It was the basic “RIP bro, you will never be forgotten” post that leaves everyone wondering who the heck they were even talking about. Eventually enough people posted to put the pieces together and I noticed there was a tweet sent out the next day from the account of the boy who had passed. Honestly, it freaked me the heck out for a little while. The account would post inspirational quotes and pictures with friends but… everyone on twitter knew he was gone? I never put much thought as to why someone would do that with his account until this past week. After days of talking about it, I can confidently say that the reason people carry on these accounts is to remember them and to make the adjustment easier for those who knew that specific person. The accounts eventually stop posting and people have slowly moved on and coped with the loss in the way they feel fit. It is at this time the family can decide to keep the profile or delete it entirely. 

Deleting the deceased accounts can leave friends and sometimes even family wondering what happened to this person. It may be an abrupt stop that leaves people unsettled. When this happens, I think the family of this individual chose to delete the account on purpose, it may have been too difficult to see that person's profile and to make it easier, they delete the account all together. As much as I’d like to say this is the norm, it really isn’t. Strangers feel entitled to know what happened to this person and expect the family to come out with their own memorial post or at least a statement on a social platform giving them and idea of what happened. It may be that the family wants to inform friends and family of the tragedy but why do they feel as though they owe anyone any kind of explanation or update? 

Julia Caesar

Why do we feel obligated to make an announcement or a memorial or a seperate account? Is it truly for remembering? Does this have to do with the fact that we have always documented important events, and social media is our main form of documentation? I think the driving force behind any post made about the deceased comes from this idea of documentation and remembering. There will always be controversy behind this taboo subject of death and social media but, if the friends and family of the deceased are okay, does it really matter what anyone else thinks?