If you have ever had the opportunity to go to a family reunion or meet that one relative that lives really far away. You might know that awkward feeling when your relative knows you but you don't know them, and they know little things about your childhood, but you don’t remember. The conversation always starts off with the opening line of “When you were little we used to…” and now you are stuck listening to a story that you may not even remember, but you smile and grin. Quickly into the story, they pull out their phone and start going on their Facebook to show you pictures of the time they spent with you. Now you are still smiling and listening but searching in your brain for a sliver of a memory of the day you took the picture.
Maybe the story is making you uncomfortable because you don’t remember, so you might throw in a laugh as you listen, just to shake off that weird feeling of another person knowing stuff about you, that you don’t even know about yourself.
Or maybe you start remembering and are laughing because you can’t believe how much you have changed. Maybe it’s the picture that they show you that sparks you to remember but whether you remembered or not. The fact is that we all probably have photos of ourselves that we have no memory of but each has a story. But the next time you see that photo, you’ll probably be able to relay the story whether you personally remember that day or not. This brings me to the question of whether or not a person can really know themself or not.
If we have to be told about our behaviors and hobbies that we had growing up then we are having to have a reckoning moment. Referring to Humphreys, a reckoning moment allows us to see things about ourselves and others that we may not be able to remember in our own lived experience. So when your relative is showing you that photo from the one time they saw you as a kid, it's a reckoning moment.
If you grew up going through the beginning phases of social media all you have ever known are these awkward encounters of relatives pulling up pictures from their social media accounts and showing you the photos that they posted of you. Prior to social media and smartphones, easy access to photo memories was not so accessible. Before smartphones and social media, a person would have had to prepare for such an occurrence, they would have had to actively pull the photos out of the box in the closet or brought the whole scrapbook from the year 1975, just to show you the one time they met you. Now, social media has become a way for a person to post and share all personal moments and achievements with others. If you were alive prior to MySpace then you probably will have a mix between having the virtual or old fashion photo reckoning moments, but for kids who have no idea what MySpace is then you probably have millions of photos of yourself that you have no memory of.
How does social media change reckoning moments of childhood moments?
Most everyone has social media and more kids now are having social media accounts. If you are still keeping up with the Kardashians, you’ll see North who is 8 is on TikTok expressing who she is, under parental supervision. For someone whose life may always be under a lens, it really might be empowering to be in control of how people see you. Or maybe it will be something that you constantly have to reckon with once you outgrow that character of your life. (Sharing the opinion of kids on social media is another conversation) The fact is that kids now are more in control of documenting their life than ever before, so will this lead to fewer reckoning moments?
I remember making a Facebook account after I turned 13, only then was I allowed to join social media. After that I remember following my parents and family on social media, I remember looking on their pages at all their photos, including ones of me. So now I will constantly refer to their Facebook Page (especially my mom) to show photos and memories of my childhood. But now you have an eight-year-old kid interacting and posting on social media, regardless of whether you think this is a good or bad thing, kids are sharing from their perspective.
So now kids will have more access and more knowledge to the moments in their early childhood potentially causing fewer reckoning moments. Will this cause kids to have a better understanding of themselves and their lives or will it just cause them to remember the stories that other people shared about their life?
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