Mead, Myself, and I

George Herbert Mead had an interesting interpretation of what it meant to be a person. He conceptualized the idea of “Me” and “I”. “Me” encompasses what others think of you, how they see you, and the attitudes of your community. This piece of you is socialized and wants to follow norms. Your “Me” is satisfied when people like you and you are aware of it. If I wore my shoes on the wrong feet for an entire day, I am breaking the social norm of wearing shoes on the right feet and may be rejected by those around me. This may come in the form of rude glances or head turns. My “Me” would be very embarrassed and disappointed because I perceive myself to be unaccepted by those around me. It should be noted that the “Me” is a double-sided coin. While it requires others to have perception of you, you must also know this and throw together an idea of what they must be thinking, which can be done subconsciously. Even after all that, your opinion of how others see you STILL may not be accurate. Your “I”, on the other hand, is a bit more complicated. Some sociologists would turn their heads at the idea of an “I” or inner self existing. Mead thought of the “I” as intrinsic qualities that are the foundation of your being. Your “I” does not follow the rules of socialization and thinks impulsively.

After a few days of discussing what any of this means in class, there is still no clear answer. If you gear your actions to please your “Me”, you are conforming to all norms and trends to match what those around you enjoy. This also makes you the biggest people-pleaser, as other’s approval feeds your desire to be well-liked. Granted, we all know that you cannot be liked by everyone. To satisfy your “I”, you would act according to your own personal desires regardless of anyone’s opinions against you. One could assume that a person with a strong “I” would be confident because they are being as true to themselves as possible. I doubt this is always the case.

I read Mead’s idea of “Me” and “I” as almost having an inverse relationship, where the stronger the “Me” a person has, a weaker the “I” and vice versa.

For example, throughout my first two years of high school, I tried extremely hard to make myself enjoy football. I read up on the rules, memorized a few names of star players, looked up the lingo, and cheered whenever everyone else did while watching the games. I did so in hopes that I would seem cool to a boy I was interested in at the time. If I could achieve that (and all the upkeep), I would fulfill my “Me” and get to sleep at night knowing that I fooled him into thinking I was even slightly into sports. (I’m cringing too). The point is whenever I would approach this boy and tell him about the terrible referee call on Sunday knowing no idea what that meant, I was completely abandoning my “I” at the sake of being accepted. Although my story is embarrassing and childish, I think we all have one. Another example could be authors of self-help books that write all day about how not to care about what others think of you. Unfortunately, the author’s book must be liked to sell and make him or her profits. The most common one I see is people posting about their self-care days and organizing their wine and candles to look like a perfect moment of relaxation… for their Instagram followers to like or comment on.

A question worth considering is do you eventually have a strong enough sense of “I” that your value requires minimal acknowledgement of the “Me”?

Psychologically, the need to be liked and to “fit in” is primitive. The cavemen needed the people around them to like them, at least decently, to survive. You need your interviewer to like you to get hired. A child needs to be liked by their parents to get love and attention. I’d like to put it out there that (a) there is nothing wrong with wanting to be liked, and (b) even all your effort working against your “me”, these considerations are often subconscious. It is impossible to get away from other’s perceptions of you so don’t shame yourself for putting consideration into what they think. However, it is essential to remember that you can’t please them all and that attempting to do so fades your concept of self.  

Trying to give less value to your “Me” is a heavy-weighted task, but if the “Me” and “I” are inverse, than strengthening you “I” would cause your “Me” to become lesser. You can solidify your “I” and express your inner self in healthy ways such as making art or music, writing, playing a sport you enjoy, etc.  

With all things in consideration, I don’t think you ever have a strong enough sense of “I” to set aside you “Me” completely and I don’t necessarily think that is bad. We need criticism and feedback and to understand how people think of us to avoid danger. Our ability to put ourselves in someone else’s head and imagine how we present ourselves is a skill, not a downfall. We just can’t waste it all on posts, likes, and retweets.